dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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