ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
