Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
