i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
