Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
