i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
