dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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