Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
