the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dick very happy bro
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
