He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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