..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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