he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
