Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
