Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
