just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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