So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
