one two three fourrrrnication!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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