the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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