Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
