Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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