It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
