What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
