Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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