dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
