Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
