Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
