you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My pussy is not your playground.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
