what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
