A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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