Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
