Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
