I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
