Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
