he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
