Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
