I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
wow bdsm is so cute
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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