Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
