Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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