On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
