I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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