I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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