Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
