My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
