It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
