You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
