My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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