don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Are my feet made of real feet?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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