apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
