And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
