This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
