you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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