DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
